Friday, July 30, 2010

In a city like NYC...

..if you have the means, you virtually never have to leave your apartment. Food and all other sundries are delivered to your door, your laundry and/or dry cleaning are picked up and delivered upon completion, people walk your pets, etc, etc etc.

So this past week I nearly entered the frustration zone when it literally took me four days to procure something as mundane as a cell phone battery. I understand that we live in a disposable society, but not every one wants to be or can afford to be so frivolous. The mentality being that, it's easier to get a new phone than a new battery is indicative of how selfish we are as a society.

I have finally figured out how people stay so busy doing nothing at all.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Did you know that...

...revolving doors are NOT idiot proof?


...judging by the dress of the sidewalk denizens, there is a clown school conveniently located in each of Manhattan's neighborhoods?

Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Some of my readers...

..opt to email me personally or visit their feedback in person. I've decided to share some of it. In response to my "unnecessary noise" post, I received an email about unnecessary body movements. You know, the foot shaking and the knee bopping. I've been guilty as charged on both counts in the past but have reformed mightily, although I catch myself from time to time.

Another email indicated that my choices for all time rock bands left a little to be desired. Donna Fargo and The Carpenters don't count.

The last response was a little more disconcerting. Someone I know fairly well indicated that my blog was becoming very personal upon the posting of "I am not a morning person". I was saddened that my attempt at emulating Erma Bombeck fell so miserably short that someone who knows me failed to recognize my attempt at sarcasm.

It has never happened before that I have failed in an attempt at being sarcastic. I must be getting old.

Sorry Sgt. Joe Friday, I crack me up.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

In a recent conversation...

... a friend of mine indicated that one of her pet peeves is something she has termed "unnecessary noise". I was amused as she indicated that drumming fingers, tapping fingernails, clicking pens, humming and whistling all drive her crazy.

That was until I was exposed to the spoon clinker. This individual is convinced that the only way she can dissolve sugar in her coffee is by stirring it a minimum of one thousand times making sure that her spoon clinks her cup every single stir.

This unnecessary noise is in no way melodic, it is not akin to the tintinnabulation of wind chimes. It does evoke the homicidal maniac in me.

Spooners, beware!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I am in no way....

...shape or form a morning person. I do not jump out of bed flitting merrily about humming while I prepare for my day. More often than not, I hit the floor, not running, but with a heavy thud; thereby shuffling blindly into the kitchen to prepare the only life sustaining substance I actually stock, which, of course, is coffee.

Once I am in possession of this highly coveted nectar, the steam generally loosens the crust on my eyes enough that I am able to pry them apart (sometimes this requires a special tool which I keep in my nightstand). This does not automatically mean I am focused, quite the contrary. I do not stop seeing double until after the second cup of miracle juice.

Generally, at this point I am able to bear the deafening noise of a pin dropping. Once I have adjusted to the noise level, I can bend over to pick up the pin without spiraling into vertigo thereby falling face first into the floor speeding up at me faster than a Formula 1 driver.

Having gained my balance I am now poised to actually think, not in terms of a human being mind you; simply think. It is usually a long and arduous process which is why I am unable to do much else for hours on end. I'm not sure why it seems to take me longer to become human than most other people, but once I arrive I certainly try to give it my all.

Tinkerbell must die.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Some people truly love...

...the sound of their own voice. They talk to you when you are trying to read. They talk to you when you are trying to watch TV. They talk to you when you are trying to sleep. They talk themselves to sleep, they talk in their sleep, and they wake up talking. I have never known anyone who has that much to say that is worth listening to.

Silence is golden.

Friday, July 16, 2010

There are people who...

...hate the heat and people who hate the cold. I fall into the later category. Normally I would be frolicking about this time of year, working on my tan, relishing the sun's rays. For what ever reason, this year I seem to be feeling lethargic and am spending most of my days indoors.

Last year nearly every weekend was spent at the Jersey shore, this year my vacation tan is fading fast. I do not agree with the naysayers who claim the heat is oppressive. Quite the opposite, I will reserve my complaints for the winter months, when it hurts your lungs to breathe. When the snot freezes half way out of your nose to form really ugly snotcicles. When thirty layers of clothes makes waddling any where a chore within itself. When 75% of our waking hours are spent in cave dwelling darkness.

Nope, it must be the humidity.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Zoo York City is...

...unique unto itself. I was fascinated to learn the reading material of a sleeping homeless man was actually the bard's "The Twelfth Night". I overheard a man wearing a wedding ring explaining to someone that he changed his online dating profile while waiting to be screened at a STD clinic. The list goes on and on.

Being as unique as NYC is, the economy here is somewhat insulated from what the rest of the country has been suffering for some time. But, it would seem the effects are starting to crack the surface here. Some of my friends actually had to give up their summer rentals, others are in far more precarious positions.

July has historically made a ghost town of these concrete canyons with the elite off to the Hamptons, the Poconos, the Jersey shore. Judging by the amount of business we did last night, everyone is staying put this year. Entertainment budgets are being spent closer to home, which I am grateful for, but really puts the recession into perspective for me.

I guess Prada, Chanel and the likes will get great deals out in the Hamptons this year, or maybe they will have to stay on Rodeo Drive.

New York, New York, it's a helluva' town.

Monday, July 12, 2010

I love a good...

...horror movie. Think "The Shining" (one of my top ten desert island scenario movies). Not slasher movies, but psychological thrillers such as "Frailty", "Mr. Brooks", and "Shattered" with Pierce Brosnan and Maria Bello.

So, I was very disappointed in the newest and tired remake of "The Wolfman". There were some recognizable names, though I felt it was miscast. The scenery was pretty good, although most of the CG's were pretty hokey. The transformation from man to wolf, was at best, mediocre.

The redeeming factor of this movie is it contains my new favorite movie quote. Anthony Hopkins: Never look back, the past is a wilderness of horrors.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

In a freaky coincidence... friend Dave posted an eerily similar blog to the one I posted yesterday. Here's his link:

Dave was wondering aloud about the greatest rock band the world has ever seen. He narrowed his search to The Stones and The Beatles. In my circle of friends the combatants were The Who and Led Zeppelin.

Recently, during an Aerosmith debate, Dave and I agreed that we are both somewhat competitive. So with that in mind, I hope more of you weigh in on this one, the world's greatest rock band:

A) The Who
B) Led Zeppelin
C) The Beatles
D) The Rolling Stones
E) Other

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Over the weekend...

...I had to occasion to visit a little music store in the east village. They carry a lot of older and out of print stuff, so I felt a little like a kid in a candy store. I smiled and reminisced and bought back a happier piece of my life.

So today, I would like to play a little game. What are the top five albums you could listen to for the rest of your life? You know, the desert island scenario. I hope everyone weighs in on this one, and we get an awesome list.

I'll go first...
1) Talking Heads/Stop Making Sense
2) The Cult/For Rockers, Ravers, Lovers, and Sinners
3) Led Zeppelin/Physical Graffiti
4) The Beatles/White Album
5) Little Feat/Waiting for Columbus

Your turn.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Maybe the heat is....

..the cause of the recent rash of aberrant behavior I have been witness to. For the past week it would seem that I have been needed in support of many different people for many different reasons.

Some of these people I know, some I do not. Some of these reasons are major, some are incidental. Although it is nice to be needed, I am starting to feel as though I am the only trouble free person left in NYC. Now that's a scary thought because there are times I feel pretty needy.

Something's gotta' give, I just hope it's not the A/C.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Happy Birthday America....

...culturally speaking we should be entering puberty soon. That's when things will get really ugly. Go enjoy the last vestiges of childhood while you can, no matter what your age.

Celebrate your freedoms and advantages, make plans for your future. Life is good in America, and I'm proud to one of her citizens.

Now, Let's Party!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I wish I had a sister to....

...tell me when I look ridiculous. My mirror, scale and tape measure have all conspired against me and all my clothes have mysteriously shrunk; I've heard chocolate can do that.

I feel great. I need someone to remedy that.