Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I am in no way....

...shape or form a morning person. I do not jump out of bed flitting merrily about humming while I prepare for my day. More often than not, I hit the floor, not running, but with a heavy thud; thereby shuffling blindly into the kitchen to prepare the only life sustaining substance I actually stock, which, of course, is coffee.

Once I am in possession of this highly coveted nectar, the steam generally loosens the crust on my eyes enough that I am able to pry them apart (sometimes this requires a special tool which I keep in my nightstand). This does not automatically mean I am focused, quite the contrary. I do not stop seeing double until after the second cup of miracle juice.

Generally, at this point I am able to bear the deafening noise of a pin dropping. Once I have adjusted to the noise level, I can bend over to pick up the pin without spiraling into vertigo thereby falling face first into the floor speeding up at me faster than a Formula 1 driver.

Having gained my balance I am now poised to actually think, not in terms of a human being mind you; simply think. It is usually a long and arduous process which is why I am unable to do much else for hours on end. I'm not sure why it seems to take me longer to become human than most other people, but once I arrive I certainly try to give it my all.

Tinkerbell must die.

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